"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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