Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
