mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
