Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
