At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I still have a little drunk in my system
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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