someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
she woke up with a sticky ear
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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