so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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