dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
and you fell through a lawn chair
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
