Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
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