im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
