ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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