I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
This is the high leading the old right now
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
