I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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