I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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