pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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