R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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