So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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