Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
