My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
