K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
