shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Shame - the story of my life.
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