Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
