Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
