I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
