i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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