you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
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