I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
