the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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