Small penises have feelings too.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
