I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I came so hard my ears popped.
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