the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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