You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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