Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
We have started to decorate penises.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
