Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
