Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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