So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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