umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
