I'm drive I can fine osifer
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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