i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
