I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I've blown a few things in my day
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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