I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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