you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
