Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
