Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
