im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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