i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
