i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
