she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
