I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
