Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
