I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
